November 2010
7 posts
Ramos and Alonso Deliberately Get Sent Off
Spotted by Jonny Hayes
Posted by John Morrison
Cluj Manager Beats Up The Dugout
Posted by John Morrison
Miss of the Century
Spotted by Jonny Hayes
Posted by John Morrison
Football Focus's Dan Walker Creates Star Wars Team
Dan Walker, along with the help of his many Twitter followers, came up with this excellent Star Wars-themed football Football. You can see the full article here. In the picture above he looks like he’s using some Jedi powers to hold that football.
Team name: Nottingham Forest of Endor or Death Star Belgrade
Manager: Glenn Yoda
Squad: Chewbacary Sagna
Ewok Showumni
Grand Moff Parkin
...
Joey Barton Breaks Pederson's Heart
The psycho man who rocked a moustache way before Movemeber, Joey Barton, losses his rag in Sunday’s game against Blackburn by punching Morten Gamst Pederson in the chest. Silly bastard.
Posted by John Morrison
Holloway Rage
Posted by John Morrison
Gerard Pique Throws Sweets at Man
Posted by John Morrison
October 2010
6 posts
Some apPauling Octopus Puns
Paul the Octopus is said to have died peacefully in his tank at the Oberhausen Sea Life Centre in Germany.
The eight-armed creature correctly predicted the outcome of all of Germany’s World Cup 2010 games as well as the final. He did this by selecting one of two boxes containing mussels, each box had a footballing nation’s flag on it. Therefore the box he ate the mussel from was the...
Andy Carroll's Car Torched
The car of Newcastle No.9 and general big-shot Andy Carroll has reportedly been set on fire in the drive of team-mate and captain Kevin Nolan’s house. The brand-new Range Rover was torched outside Nolan’s Northumberland home on Wednesday. The assailants also wrote abusive graffiti on Nolan’s garage door.
It hasn’t been the best week for Andy Carroll having been charged...
Chilean Miner Played International Football
Franklin Lobos, the 27th Chilean Miner to be rescued after bring trapped over 600 meters underground in San Jose Chile, is an ex-professional football player. The 53 year old, who played as a forward, started his career at Cobresal and was known as El Mortero Magico.
Full story here.
Posted by John Morrison
Macheda Calls Rooney "Working Class and Vulgar"
Federico Macheda used the word ‘coatto’, which is similar in meaning and use to ‘chav’, to describe team-mate Wayne Rooney. The reserve striker was being interviewing with Gazzetta dello Sport in his native Italy: “Rooney is a really great person. He always gives me advice. But he’s a bit working class and vulgar.”
It seems that he has since realised slagging-off your...
Football London Underground Map
Here is an excellent London Underground map that has been reworked so that every stop is football related. If you’re not familiar with the regular tube stops then this won’t be half as funny, so check out an official map first.
Spotted by Ben Halliday
Posted by John Morrison
Hertha Berlin Player Touches Female Ref's Boob...
Posted by John Morrison
September 2010
12 posts
Japanese Game Show Impersonates El Diego
Posted by John Morrison
Histon Hit Record Books For Wrong Reasons
Blue Square Premier League team Histon have become the first club in the top 5 leagues to take no fans to an away match. Their supporters decided not to make the 330 mile trip to Wrexham, and it was a good idea too as they lost 4.0. If any fans had decided to show they would have been in the blue seats above.
Spotted here.
Posted by John Morrison
Asda Cleared of Controversial Uruguay Promotion
An Asda advert which offers Uruguayans free eye tests after one of their countrymen, referee Jorge Larrionda, failed to spot Frank Lampard’s goal had crossed the line in England’s key World Cup game against Germany, has been been cleared as inoffensive.
The Asda Opticians promotion said “Our special World Cup offer: Free eye tests for all Uruguayans. Like everyone in England,...
Mourinho Counts Chewing Gum
The camera men at Spanish TV station Cuatro showed Jose’s obsessive chewing gum counting, before the 2.1 win over Real Sociedad on Saturday. Mourinho was obviously more interesting than the rest of the match as the camera was glued on him throughout. He is also seen throwing a water bottle into his dug-out and then, finally, the camera shows a last shot of the chewed remnants of his gum...
Ibrahimovic Kicks Strasser
Zlatan proves how much of a horrible man he is by kicking young AC Milan team-mate Rodney Strasser.
Here are some of his best quotes:
Zlatan – “First I went left, he did too. Then I went right, and he did too. Then I went left again, and he went to buy a hot dog.”
Reporter – “Is your playing style Swedish or Yugoslavian?
Zlatan – “It’s Zlatan-style.”
Reporter – “You’ve got some scars...
Security Fears Cancel Messi's Hackney Marshes...
World Player of the Year Lionel Messi was on London’s famous Hackney Marshes today (15 September) as part of an Adidas advertising campaign. The Barcelona man flew in by helicopter and was expected to come on as a substitute for a team, before organisers cancelled the stunt because of unexpected crowd levels.
Spotted by Hayley Leaver
Posted by John Morrison
'Fake' Togolese Team Played Bahrain
Football authorities in Togo are investigating serious claims that a fake team played in their 3.0 defeat to Bahrain earlier this month. Although Fifa have not received any official complaint, the Togo Sports Minister said he would ask them to investigate.
Reports suggest that a fake football agent, whose identity is currently unknown, sold the game to Bahrain. The Bahrain national team naively...
Larissa Riquelme 3D Playboy Shoot
Paraguayan model Larissa became globally famous during the 2010 World Cup for this goal celebration, where she was reportedly promoting a Nokia mobile phone.
She has since become Paraguay’s best-paid model and is also known as the most famous 2010 World Cup fan. Her latest public appearance is state-of-the-art 3D nudie modelling in pervy men’s mag Playboy. She has also run though...
Bonkers Penalty
Spotted by Ben Halliday
Posted by John Morrison
Meet Rolandinho
Nowadays Ronaldinho’s blistering Brazilian skills are something of a rarity. The commentator in this clip gets so overexcited by the AC Milan-man’s tricks that in the heat of the moment he starts shouting “Rolandinho, Roland-inho!”
Posted by John Morrison
FC Stjarnan's Best Goal Celebrations
FC Stjarnan have become an overnight sensation and this is not through their ability to tear-up the Icelandic Premier League (they’re currently 7th). Instead the boys in blue have gained worldwide fame in the footballing community through their extravagant and hilariously choreographed goal celebrations. Here’s the best of the bunch:
1. The Human Toilet
2. The Human Bike
...
How to Tackle Neymar
Posted by John Morrison
August 2010
5 posts
Happy as Harry
Harry Redknapp doesn’t like being called a wheeler-dealer.
Posted by John Morrison
Football's Greatest Moustaches
As many people will have noticed, notoriously controversial Newcastle midfielder Joey Barton has grown a rather scandalous moustache. This got me thinking, why has the once admired classic Adidas tracksuit and hairy upper-lip combination of the 1980’s gone out of fashion? Is it the influx of European and South American superstars with their intricately greased locks and skinny fitted,...
Steroid-Fuelled Lady Trains With Toon Army
Oh no wait. It’s just Andy Carroll
Posted by John Morrison
Official Man U Website Suggests Ozil Signing...
This player profile for the highly-rated German attacking midfielder briefly appeared on the club’s official website. It has since been taken down. Is Ozil’s signing on the horizon or is this just a major error resulting in somebody getting sacked in the morning?
Posted by John Morrison
Bumper and Long Overdue Update
There has been a severe shortage of Strong On Paper posts as of late. This is in part due to the drought of competitive football matches since the World Cup and also because the chief blogger has been particularly idle. But don’t fret, the posting shall now commence. As the English season has just started (lower-leagues) and just about to start (Premiership) all your football-related funnies shall...
July 2010
10 posts
Mezut Özil Shows Off His Skills (With Chewing Gum)
Michel Platini once famously said “What Zidane does with a football, Maradona could do with an orange.” And now Özil can do it with chewing gum.
Posted by John Morrison
Germany Squad 'A Bunch of Gays'
Michael Becker the agent of Germany captain Michael Ballack, who missed the World Cup through injury, labelled the high-flying national side ‘a bunch of gays’.
The interview was in German publication Der Spiegel and Becker is reported to have said that Germany’s new, flamboyant style was related to their homosexuality and that being gay made them too delicate to beat Spain in...
Drunk Pique Spits on Spanish Official
Gerard Pique drunkenly spat on Spanish Director of Football Pedro Cortes, whilst the World Champions were celebrating their victory during an open-top-bus parade. Cortes said that although Pique acted childishly there are no hard feelings.
Posted by John Morrison
Camacho's Still Enjoying Spain
Posted by John Morrison
Spotted by Sam Power
Vuvuzela Fail
Posted by John Morrison
Spanish Commentator Is Fairly Pleased With Villa...
Posted by John Morrison
Rafa Nadal's Cheeky Feet Skills
Posted by John Morrison
Fabio Bullies Stuart Pearce
Posted by John Morrison
Spotted by Sammy King
Horrible American Man Hates 'Soccer' and...
“What letter does socialism start with? S. What letter does Satan start with? S. What letter does sodomy start with? S. What letter does soccer start with….?”
“If they don’t use them, why don’t they cut off their arms?”
“Play soccer = go to hell.”
Posted by John Morrison
Spotted by Niall Quinn
El Diego Smokes During Training
Maradona sparks-up whilst holding an Argentinian training session.
Posted by John Morrison
June 2010
12 posts
Stevie Mac Overpopulates The World
Posted by John Morrison
Joachim Löw Picks His Nose and Eats It
The German manager, who is known as Jogi because he has the temperament of a yoga instructor, broke his cool during his side’s 4-1 thrashing of England by picking his nose and eating it. Gross.
Posted by John Morrison
Classic Video: Pardew Rape Comment
Spotted by Jack Cassidy
Posted by John Morrison
El Diego Likes Women
The Argentina coach, lost in translation, thinks he’s being accused of being over-friendly with his players during a press conference. He quickly denies this, saying “Me gustan las mujeres (I like women).”
Spotted here.
Posted by John Morrison
French Stars Snuggle-Up
The French national team misunderstand coach Raymond Domenech’s orders to warm-up.
Posted by John Morrison
Patrice Evra Cries
The France Captain and Manchester United left-back couldn’t hide his emotions during the national anthem. He might have shed a tear after the game too as Les Bleus lost 2.0 to Mexico.
Posted by John Morrison
North Korea's Jong Tae-Se Cries During National...
Posted by John Morrison
England v USA in Lego
Spotted by Ben Halliday
Posted by John Morrison
World Cup 2010: Day 1
What a fantastic day of football. Here are the talking points so far.
Nonchalant stewarding
The blasé security seemed unfocused and made some serious mistakes. These errors were not regarding typical issues and precautions, such as crowd control or ticketing, their insistence to let a large Dung Beetle bring it’s replica Adidas Jabulani ball onto the pitch and have a kick-about in the middle...
Maradona & Co Play Red Arse
Spotted by Ben Halliday
Posted by John Morrison